Because, Really, Why Would You NOT?

Don't forget to visit us at our regular haunts...

Stephanie at Mama Still Wears Gucci!

And Sassy at Sassy Pants Freckle Face

Here's where you can catch a daily dose of our respective awesomeness.

Flying By the Seat of Our Pants

You know, you can read all you want about what to expect when your baby comes and how the different stages of his life will go. You can talk to other moms, you can listen to your mom, and you can, of course, glean all sorts of helpful information from this fantastic little piece of literature by yours truly - the Gucci Mama and the ever impressive Sassy Pants.

But.

That doesn't mean you are prepared for everything your child will throw at you, and you certainly cannot anticipate what other moms can convince themselves is acceptable behavior. So Sassy and I decided to list some of the things we never imagined we'd face as moms...or just as human beings for that matter. I'll shoot first.

I didn't realize that some women breastfeed children who also eat solid food. I had no idea that there are moms who choose to breastfeed a three year old. Or a four year old. I also had no idea how militant the fringe of the "breastfeeding movement" can be. Hell, I never would have imagined there could be such thing as a "breastfeeding movement", much less a rogue fringe element. Ridiculous! But it's true. About a year ago, I encountered a woman who was not only nursing a child who I think was close to four years old, but she was doing it in public with her entire shirt removed. I wrote a blog about it, you can read it HERE, and my goodness, did it provoke a firestorm of opinion, insult hurling, and judgement. Those breastfeeding Nazis are scary. I'm all for it if you can do it (and it is a myth that everyone can) but I don't want to wear a sandwich board or organize a rally on the Washington Mall or anything.

I wasn't prepared for people giving backhanded advice to me in the guise of talking to my baby. For example, at the end of last winter Josh and I were walking into the grocery store. It was close to forty degrees outside; he was wearing a jacket but no hat. I'm his mom; I get to make those decisions. So this woman stops to talk to him and says, "Oh honey! Tell your mommy your head's cold and you want a hat on!" Growl.

Though my mom tried to warn me, I didn't believe that my child could say such horribly embarrassing things. Like the time we saw a black man at the movie theatre and Josh pointed and yelled, "Mama! Chocolate man!". Good thing the guy had a healthy sense of humor, because two year olds have absolutely no filter that stops the brain from allowing things like that out of the mouth.

I know Sassy has much to add...so take it away Sassy Pants!

There is no amount of reading, meditating, or prayers, that can prepare one for Motherhood.
I would have to say that Playdates are on the top of my list of "what were they thinking"
Playdates, how I loathe the sound
Now playdates are not for the weak at heart, not one bit. In most cases playdates are set up not knowing the family and children intimately. So in all respect you really don't "know" these peeps. Especially the ones that are hosted by Libraries,. OMG!! avoid those at all cost!!
Back to why did anyone think this would be fun?
Sometimes when you know the fam it can be, but in most interactions it isn't so much.
You either have the over anxious mama who is watching every move (this would be me) Or the one who doesn't give a flying flip what their kids are jumping off and into.
So I have created a list of what to do and not to do at the "Playdate".
1. Do know them well enough, so that if the 3 yr old has been kicked out of every daycare in the city for biting, you are in the know.
2. Make a rule, Runny noses and fevers mean a reschedule. Really, there are people out there that don't care that their child is infecting your entire family.
3. Avoid mandated "playdates" that are run but Public agencies, sorry I am not all about that public love, count me out!
4. Bring snacks if you are going to someones house it is the nice thing to do, make sure to bring enough for everyone!
5. Limit your date to about 2 hours. All of my successful "Playdates" that would include 4 ~6 children have a time limit. As do the children. Much more than that and you'll be sorry
6. Plan an activity or rent a movie,.. have something planned. Instead of letting the monters rage in chaos
7. Don't "playdate" at a restaurant that is sitting only, again you might walk out bald, from pulling your hair out~!


Next but never last. Oh no EVERYONE HAS AN OPINION
I honestly after my third have had a darn stinkin enough of this crap!!!
You can be sweet, you can.
Me, BACK UP!!!
I am so over people thinking they know how to raise my 3 children. Hey now I am not the one with 14 so back up!
So when people push those fantastically annoying ideas upon you, I have come up with a few pointers
1. Act like you don't speak English
2. Make up your own language and respond
3. Pretend like you cannot understand what they are saying or that you cannot hear them
4. Respond with your favorite recipe
5. My fav, just say No and walk off
6. Act like you have a ewwie diaper to change, no time for chit~chat
7. Pretend to answer a silent cell phone
8. "Pray" for a temper tantrum
9. you could do the ole' stand by and just tell em off. But for the sake of any lil' monsters I would try the list above first. You will enjoy confusing nosy Nacey.


Finally, trust yourself
that gut instinct, that makes you wake out of a dead sleep to make sure your 6yr old is still breathing. It won't steer you wrong :)

Question of the Week

"I would like to know a good, diplomatic way of handling interfering MILs when your husband is a momma's boy and would be upset if you completely offended her. Being blunt would be my normal style, but if I can handle my MIL without destroying the fragile relationship we've built, I would prefer that for my husband's sake."


Wow! I really don't know where to start, other than you have one of "those" too!?!?

I am ( Sassy Pants) better at story telling as giving advice than a straight here's what to do. My MIL is one of a kind, that is for sure! She had to be involved in everything! Sticking her nose in everything from where we lived to my Ob doc appointments. She thought she had a say, and sadly within the first 3 yrs of marriage she did. I could roll my eyes, stomp my feet, and it didn't matter, cause mama could do wrong, YEAH RIGHT!!! Talk about koo koo for cocoa puffs!I guess it starts at his allowance of "MIL" involvement.

That is really where it begins. If he doesn't see a problem of inviting her into bedroom talk then really there are no boundaries. Sadly I learned this. It was hard, really hard. I tried to be kind, forgiving and understanding of "that" woman. After a while I couldn't fake it anymore. We came face to face literally and hashed it out,.... we didn't speak for almost a yr. I refused to take gifts, phone calls , nada! It was what was right for me. It didn't make anything easier between hubs and I so I had to let it go. At that point is when I set personal boundaries and was more upfront with "her Son" about how "his Mommy" made me feel.

Once I gave up that control and was more open to my husband things slowly started changing. He, yes HE started seeing her for who she was and how her nose diving into our personal life was upsetting me so,..it took a while but he finally put his foot down!Ya know that saying distance makes the heart grow fonder, I think it is totally true in this case. Once we distanced our selves from her tightly held grips, we started back on track.

My advice is to do just that, kinda what I did but different. Stand by your man and let him know you care for him and his mama but how you married him not her and your relationship with him is private. It is not that you won't be close but have two different relationships. One as a married couple and one as the son/DIL. Take it slow but just let him know how you feel.


My MIL lives over 21 hours away and I am fine with that!

Miss Gucci Mama is taking it easy and will respond to this questions a later time.
Please keep the questions and Ideas coming as we love sharing our opinion!

What the Baby Books Should Say

Sassy Pants says...

1. Don't read every baby book, it'll scare the crap out of you!

2. Birth, there is no exact way it'll happen, it will be your birth story, embrace it!

3. People should keep their opinions and paws to themselves, before, after, and during raising child in question.

4. When the baby is born, weight loss is not a definite.

5. You thought your boobs hurt before baby, just wait, holy Madonna cone shaped bra!

6. Baby girls can have a baby period, weird but true~that's a must know

7. Buy plenty of pads, witch hazel pads, Ibuprofen, diapers and alcohol wipes before coming home from the hospital.

8. Nurses will try to pick up your baby in their car seat and walk baby out to your car. Prepare to deal with this before it happens~ It is a law they are expected to follow ~ but freaks the crap out of new mamas!

9. Bring shower shoes, flip flops and slippers to the hospital~ life is much easier.

10. It took 9 months to put on the weight, give yourself 9 months to get it off.

11. Some retail stores have reserved parking for preggers.

12. Your body shape will most likely change ~ Forever!

13. Feed the Cravings in moderation, unless you are craving dirt or something, then call a doc.

14. The Belly button stub isn't pretty but you gotta clean well and keep it dry

15. Trust your instincts and stand by them. Better safe than sorry If you happen to be wrong you can blame that on being pregnant.

16. Once baby is born your xtra skin doesn't disappear, but it will shrink, don't worry.

17. Where your baby sleeps is a personal choice. Keep it personal unless you want forced opinions throw at you

18. Brand to brand, car seats and cribs are very different so do your research!

19. DON'T LISTEN TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF!

20. Most babies grow out of newborn & 0~3 month clothing in a flash ~ not sizes I would stock up on if I were you.

21. Bring a camera with you everywhere!

22. Before you go to the hospital have a contact list with #'s.

23. Bring food and snacks.

24. EAT before you go to deliver (non~ c~section), if you can. If not there is no eating until baby is out!

25. Have your favorite take out menu with you. Hospital food might be free but it might not be food.

26. Bring 3~4 coming home outfits for baby. Most likely the second you get it on 'em they will "blow out".

27. Have a pediatrician picked out before you deliver.

28. Your feet do get bigger ~ no stilettos for now.

29. A good nursing bra will be your best friend, before, during, and after.

30. Standing in front of a hot shower with sooth your boobies before and after ( oh and you might leak when heat touches 'em, just so you know).

31. You can leak before your 3rd trimester.

32. Sleep when baby sleeps.

33. Take help when offered.

34. Nursing pads rock, check into them. They will save you more than embarrassment.

35. A baby swing can and will save your sanity. Every registry should have one listed!!!

36. Make ready to pop in the oven meals before you deliver. That way you can freeze 'em and use them when you need to.

37. Don't feel bad about being tired, you are making a miracle/ made a miracle.

38. Grown Up "timeouts" are necessary, take one every once and a while.

39. Diapers~ No need to stress, you'll figure out what kind you like best once you start using them.

40. BUY IN BULK~ Diapers, bodysuits, wipes, socks, sleepers, bottom cream, and so on,...........

41. Layettes Rock~ The one piece that has elastic at the bottom. they have fold over hands and the gown is long enough you don't have to worry about socks. They also make for easy diaper changing to.

42. Babies are born with long sharp finger nails ~ ouch!

43. Don't feel like you have to entertain unless you want to!

44. Baby Poops~ Are simply weird! I don't feel like being descriptive, however, you know that baby shower game with the dirty diapers, they aren't far off ~ Be prepared!

45. Most insurance companies don't pay for circumcision ~ It's a pay up front kinda thing.

46. You can tell the nurses who can and cannot visit you. Better yet make a list!

47. Most hospitals will stand by your "Birth Plan", don't forget to bring it with you, it goes in a file.

48. When getting ready to leave the hospital expect a delay of about 20 minutes to fill out gobs of paper work.

49. Expect the Unexpected!

50. Most preggie pants, not so cute. Invest in yoga pants, that spells comfy!

51. Don't forget to eat!

52. Taking your prenatal vitamin with milk or food right before bed might help it stay down.

53. Smell, things you see on T.V., and descriptions might cause instant sickness.

54. Sundresses make awesome maternity clothes.

55. If you had 200 kids, each pregnancy would be different.

56. Nothing can replace a bloomin onion and a best friend!

57. The Best and Only site I recommend for real info about real issues you might face is www.marchofdimes.org

Gucci Mama adds...

Not much actually. Sassy pretty much summed it up. But I will say that,

1. Breast feeding might be the ideal way to nourish a baby, but it isn't always possible. Don't let anyone tell you differently, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about not being able to or choosing not to. It is your decision as a mother. Period. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Repeat after me: there is nothing wrong with formula feeding.

2. You must remember to take care of yourself, both ante- and postpartum. Your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being is vital to the health and well being of your children. This means the obvious things like eating right and staying active, but it also means doing things for yourself - without the all too common "mommy guilt". Get a pedicure, see a movie, buy a pair of really impractical shoes, whatever helps you take a moment to remember that you are a woman AND a mother now, not now a mother instead of a woman.

3. Cherish the moments to yourself when your children are napping or are with a trustworthy caregiver. In the beginning you'll likely think you can't be away for five seconds, but you can and you should. It's good for both of you.

4. You can and must put your foot down when it comes to people doing things YOUR way with regards to YOUR children. This means everything from letting the Nursing Nazis in the maternity ward know who's boss (more on the Nursing Nazis in a future post) to making sure the people that are around your baby know and follow your rules.

5. Believe those who have already been where you are when they tell you how fast the time goes. It's incredible how fast they go from pink and squalling and two hours old to rambunctious and adorable at two years old to getting married at twenty two. It is as if you enter a time warp when your baby is born, and everything moves at twice the speed it did before. Cherish every moment you can.

I think we could write an entire series on this, The Anti-Baby Book, it could be called. The main thing to remember is that all the written words in the world, these included, cannot replace your instincts, your love, and your mom's advice.

Keep those questions coming! We're going to choose four or five at a stretch and answer them in one post, so think of some good ones for Friday!

Mommy, where do babies come from?

Hummm,....

Well here is my Sassy take on this Question.

1st keep it simple. There is no need to go on and on or get too descriptive.

Most lil' ones know the baby lives in mommy's tummy. So the simplest answer it that it comes out of your tummy. If you are having a c~section then it isn't that far from the truth. If you are delivering the other way, I just don't see how it would benefit a child to know where baby is really coming out of. Unless you have a young boy or girl who is thinking of becoming sexually active, I would then invite them in for a front row seat for delivery . That will scare some abstinence into 'em. As far as where they come from? I tell my lil' ones that when Mommy and Daddy love each other God puts that seed of love into her tummy to grow a baby.

Gucci Mama says...
Ooh! Our first question! Yippie! Anonymous wants to know how to answer when her three year old asks how the baby is going to get out of her tummy. Well.

I am in a similar boat. My son is just over two, but we're reading a "big brother" book that has all sorts of words and explanations that are just not going to come out of my mouth. Where the book says, "Your mommy's uterus will have lots of squeezes until the baby is pushed through a small opening called the cervix. It's kind of like trying to squeeze your head through a turtleneck that is just too small." I say, "When the baby has finished growing inside Mama's tummy, then Daddy will take me to the hospital where the doctor will help the baby come out and meet us!"

I'm scheduling a C-section, but if I were going au natural I would say the same thing. It's all true. Little kids are curious, sure, but they don't want or need too much information. Overwhelming them with technical terms and exact descriptions is unnecessary and quite likely a bit scary.

No three year old needs to know the "ins and outs" (ha! pun!) of pushing a baby through the birth canal. I wish I wasn't as familiar with it as I am...

My best advice is to choose your words with care. I was three and a half when my mom became pregnant with my sister. I still, almost twenty five years later, remember what she told me when I asked her how the baby would come out of her tummy. She said, and this is an exact quote, "There's a hole in Mommy's leg that opens up just wide enough for the baby to squeeze through".

Know what I pictured? I pictured a gaping black hole on the side of her thigh yawning it's way into existence while a squalling infant clawed and chewed its way out. I was worried. I wondered how the hole would get there, how it would close, how long it would be around, if it would hurt, all sorts of stuff.

I've recovered from the shock of the idea of a gaping hole in my Mommy's left leg, but I haven't forgotten.

While there's certainly no reason to lie, there's also no reason to go into detail. The simpler and easier to understand, the better.

Hole in Mommy's leg indeed...

And So It Begins

Once upon a time, in a tiny little town full of tiny little people with nothing but some mediocre restaurants and a Target, two larger than life Super Mamas with grandiose ideas and big mouths got together and started stirring up shit. Complained. Grew frustrated. Tossed their hair over their shoulders in frustration and annoyance.

Then they decided to do something about it. You know them as Gucci Mama and Sassy Pants. These two forces of nature have banded together in search of a common goal. That goal? To dispel the myths (as best they can), answer your questions, and impart the wisdom that comes only with experience.

There's a lot that comes with being a mom. A bundle of joy is usually paired with a bundle of anxiety, unsolicited advice, and certainly a ration of guilt. While there may not be just one way, there are certainly tried and true methods, tips, and tricks that can get you through the day. This won't be some hokey baby book. Motherhood isn't always pretty. And it certainly isn't always glamorous. It's often thankless, it's unbelievably difficult, and it has the potential to scare you clean out of your pants. But it's the greatest experience imaginable. It's more than worth it.

We are here to help with the potholes in the road, the bumps on the log, the sand in your swimsuit. Ask me, tell me, beg me, love me, hate me; I'm Gucci Mama, and I'm no longer bound and gagged.

I am Sassy Pants. I am a Mother to 3 Amazing children, have awesome taste when it comes to their fashion, I have a Lot of strong opinions, but secretly a big fat heart. I feel my children have a personal vendetta out to kill me, due to how many times I have had to take them to the ER or my heart has simply skipped a beat. I have never experienced greater joy and heartache. My kids have put me through the ringer, and I have loved every moment. Gucci Mama and I have decided to bestow our wisdom, aren't you lucky. Enjoy